August 28, 2013

Confusion


August 25, 2013

Heartbreak Hotel

I'm very confused. I don't know what's happening. I'm not sure if we broke up or if we are taking a break. All I know is that I can't live without him. I know that makes me sound so dramatic, but it's the truth. I love him. Why would I want to live without him. Why doesn't he understand that I want to be with him, regardless if he's a workaholic and he is so busy. I don't care. I love being with him and spending time with him. I love being able to send him cute pictures and he tells me how beautiful I am. I love that he cares about me. I love everything about him. I want him I need him. I don't want to be on a break, or broken up. Why? Is this his way of telling me that he chooses the other girl? Does he not love me? This whole time I was worried he would choose another girl over me, when the whole time I didn't realize that the girl that was a threat was really Luna. She's the one that has won him over. That damn restaurant. She's the one I should have looked out for. But instead I'm a stupid stupid girl who fell in love with a guy who doesn't love me back. When is going to be my time?!! When do I get a chance at love?? When is he going to love me back?? I hate this. I hate all of it. And ill I can think about is how lonely I am without him. I need to go workout and let off some steam. I'm depressed. 

August 2, 2013

Make a decision already....

Decisions decisions... I really hate making  decisions... So I usually make others make them for me..... In this case, I need him to make a decision. I'm going crazy!!!! We've been dating for almost 6 months... It's about time he makes a choice. Me or her.... Pick one! At this point I've almost ran out of patience!! I am a ticking time bomb, and I'm about to explode. When is enough, enough?! How much longer do I have to wait? How much longer will it take him to make a decision?? Why hasn't he made it already?! I want answers. I want to know!!! I want to be with this man, but I need to know if he wants to be with me!! Put my mind at ease please!!! Make my fears and my uneasiness go away! Isn't the love of your life supposed to do that? When am I going to start feeling that I am his love of his life. Am I just convienent for him, or does he really have feelings for me?! I'm an emotional rollercoatser. I hate not knowing! I hate that I have to wait. I hate that I have not had a physical connection with him for over 2 months! I hate that. I want to kiss him dang it. I want more than a hug or a light touch on the arm. Is there something wrong with me? Is he the same way with his other woman?! I want to claw her eyes out. I don't know her, but I don't like her. But maybe he likes her more? Or maybe he likes me more? I literally have no idea. My mind is driving me crazy. I might lose it. I don't want to give him an ultimatum but he's got to make his choice.... I've done nothing but make things very easy for him. I've shown him so much love and affection... He needs to make his choice. If it's not me, ill be devastated, but at this point, at least I would know and not be guessing. I need to know, and he needs to make this decision quick!!!!!! Before I lose it completely. 

July 11, 2013

Birthday wish

So my birthday is in like 3 days. On the 14th to be exact. Ill be 25 years old. I can't believe it. It's really gone by fast. Before I know it ill be 30! Lol but honestly that doesn't bother me one bit. I actually cannot wait to be old. And I cannot wait to grow old with the man I love. Which brings me back to my birthday. I'm super happy that I will be getting to spend my birthday with my guy.. And my family of course! But really I'm super happy that he will be here for my birthday. Everyone keeps asking me what I'm doing for my birthday, and honestly I've made no plans... And I'm totally ok with that. I don't really want to do anything. I just want to be with my guy! I just want to have a normal Sunday with my family and my boy. Don't get me wrong I wish me and him could just go out. But ill wait for the next weekend. Then we can go on a date for my birthday. But really I would love love love to just be with my love. So everyone who reads my blog knows my situation... Well my birthday wish is him. I just want him. I want to kiss him. I want to hold his hand. I want to hug him. I want to cuddle with him. I want him. I want to be able to call him mine. I want to be able to say he's my man. I want to be loved by him. I want to be picked by him. That's all I want for my birthday. I don't feel like I'm asking for much, I just want to make this man I love my boyfriend. I want his commitment. Maybe if I blow the candles out on my birthday cake... I'll be wishing.... I wish it on a shooting star... at 11:11... I cross my fingers and knock on wood.... I do anything I can to make my wish come true and I really hope someday it does become true. I wish and hope it were on Sunday... But I'm not getting my hopes up... Well I'm trying not to. I'm just so in love, that I'm going crazy!!!!

July 5, 2013

Love and Affection

So my problem lately is I haven't been receiving the affection that I want and need from my man... We literally haven't kissed for almost a month and a half! What the hell.. I'm sorry, but I like to kiss. I like to be affectionate, I like being loving, and he wants to give me that, but its so hard for him he says. He's trying to be a good boy, which I totally get and appreciate, but not even a kiss?! He doesn't hold my hand, he doesn't tickle and tease me like he used to... And at first I kept thinking ok, this wont last long. But....it has. It drives me nuts. I hate it. I just want to cuddle and hug and give kisses and be ourselves again. He used to do that with me all the time!!! I don't know what happened?!! I keep thinking it will change when he makes his decision, but thats taking forever also. I'm going insane!!! I told him this weekend I wanted to cuddle, that he never cuddles with me. I said you're not affectionate with me anymore and he totally was like yes I am, I've touched you. And in reality, and little rub on the arm doesn't count. I think what makes me go even crazier is that I keep wondering if he is the same way with the other girl? Or is he affectionate with her? I hope he isn't. I love this man, and I just want to kiss him and cuddle him and love him.... That's not a lot to ask for?!?