August 28, 2013

Confusion


August 25, 2013

Heartbreak Hotel

I'm very confused. I don't know what's happening. I'm not sure if we broke up or if we are taking a break. All I know is that I can't live without him. I know that makes me sound so dramatic, but it's the truth. I love him. Why would I want to live without him. Why doesn't he understand that I want to be with him, regardless if he's a workaholic and he is so busy. I don't care. I love being with him and spending time with him. I love being able to send him cute pictures and he tells me how beautiful I am. I love that he cares about me. I love everything about him. I want him I need him. I don't want to be on a break, or broken up. Why? Is this his way of telling me that he chooses the other girl? Does he not love me? This whole time I was worried he would choose another girl over me, when the whole time I didn't realize that the girl that was a threat was really Luna. She's the one that has won him over. That damn restaurant. She's the one I should have looked out for. But instead I'm a stupid stupid girl who fell in love with a guy who doesn't love me back. When is going to be my time?!! When do I get a chance at love?? When is he going to love me back?? I hate this. I hate all of it. And ill I can think about is how lonely I am without him. I need to go workout and let off some steam. I'm depressed. 

August 2, 2013

Make a decision already....

Decisions decisions... I really hate making  decisions... So I usually make others make them for me..... In this case, I need him to make a decision. I'm going crazy!!!! We've been dating for almost 6 months... It's about time he makes a choice. Me or her.... Pick one! At this point I've almost ran out of patience!! I am a ticking time bomb, and I'm about to explode. When is enough, enough?! How much longer do I have to wait? How much longer will it take him to make a decision?? Why hasn't he made it already?! I want answers. I want to know!!! I want to be with this man, but I need to know if he wants to be with me!! Put my mind at ease please!!! Make my fears and my uneasiness go away! Isn't the love of your life supposed to do that? When am I going to start feeling that I am his love of his life. Am I just convienent for him, or does he really have feelings for me?! I'm an emotional rollercoatser. I hate not knowing! I hate that I have to wait. I hate that I have not had a physical connection with him for over 2 months! I hate that. I want to kiss him dang it. I want more than a hug or a light touch on the arm. Is there something wrong with me? Is he the same way with his other woman?! I want to claw her eyes out. I don't know her, but I don't like her. But maybe he likes her more? Or maybe he likes me more? I literally have no idea. My mind is driving me crazy. I might lose it. I don't want to give him an ultimatum but he's got to make his choice.... I've done nothing but make things very easy for him. I've shown him so much love and affection... He needs to make his choice. If it's not me, ill be devastated, but at this point, at least I would know and not be guessing. I need to know, and he needs to make this decision quick!!!!!! Before I lose it completely. 

July 11, 2013

Birthday wish

So my birthday is in like 3 days. On the 14th to be exact. Ill be 25 years old. I can't believe it. It's really gone by fast. Before I know it ill be 30! Lol but honestly that doesn't bother me one bit. I actually cannot wait to be old. And I cannot wait to grow old with the man I love. Which brings me back to my birthday. I'm super happy that I will be getting to spend my birthday with my guy.. And my family of course! But really I'm super happy that he will be here for my birthday. Everyone keeps asking me what I'm doing for my birthday, and honestly I've made no plans... And I'm totally ok with that. I don't really want to do anything. I just want to be with my guy! I just want to have a normal Sunday with my family and my boy. Don't get me wrong I wish me and him could just go out. But ill wait for the next weekend. Then we can go on a date for my birthday. But really I would love love love to just be with my love. So everyone who reads my blog knows my situation... Well my birthday wish is him. I just want him. I want to kiss him. I want to hold his hand. I want to hug him. I want to cuddle with him. I want him. I want to be able to call him mine. I want to be able to say he's my man. I want to be loved by him. I want to be picked by him. That's all I want for my birthday. I don't feel like I'm asking for much, I just want to make this man I love my boyfriend. I want his commitment. Maybe if I blow the candles out on my birthday cake... I'll be wishing.... I wish it on a shooting star... at 11:11... I cross my fingers and knock on wood.... I do anything I can to make my wish come true and I really hope someday it does become true. I wish and hope it were on Sunday... But I'm not getting my hopes up... Well I'm trying not to. I'm just so in love, that I'm going crazy!!!!

July 5, 2013

Love and Affection

So my problem lately is I haven't been receiving the affection that I want and need from my man... We literally haven't kissed for almost a month and a half! What the hell.. I'm sorry, but I like to kiss. I like to be affectionate, I like being loving, and he wants to give me that, but its so hard for him he says. He's trying to be a good boy, which I totally get and appreciate, but not even a kiss?! He doesn't hold my hand, he doesn't tickle and tease me like he used to... And at first I kept thinking ok, this wont last long. But....it has. It drives me nuts. I hate it. I just want to cuddle and hug and give kisses and be ourselves again. He used to do that with me all the time!!! I don't know what happened?!! I keep thinking it will change when he makes his decision, but thats taking forever also. I'm going insane!!! I told him this weekend I wanted to cuddle, that he never cuddles with me. I said you're not affectionate with me anymore and he totally was like yes I am, I've touched you. And in reality, and little rub on the arm doesn't count. I think what makes me go even crazier is that I keep wondering if he is the same way with the other girl? Or is he affectionate with her? I hope he isn't. I love this man, and I just want to kiss him and cuddle him and love him.... That's not a lot to ask for?!? 

June 23, 2013

He doesn't know how lucky he is...

Just like the title reads, he doesn't know how lucky he is... I've been thinking to myself lately, does he even know what i truly feel for him? I mean he knows i like him a lot, he even knows, thanks to this blog, that i love him. I've listed reasons why in the past, and I've definitely been able to show him how much i care.... but does he TRULY know how i feel? So lets go over it...

I am in love with a man who has feelings for two women. I don't know anything about this other woman, nor do i want to.. I don't know if she cares for him like i do, if she loves him like i do.. i don't know what she looks like, where she lives, how much time they spend together... i don't know a single thing about her, besides that he has feelings for her as well. Well it kills me to say this, but shes a lucky girl. But, he is an even luckier guy. He has MY love.

He doesn't know how lucky he is! He has my heart. My heart is a very special thing to have. It's a unique one that loves with every fiber of its being. He will always be loved by me, even if he ends up with this other woman, he will always have my heart. He is the first person i have truly ever loved. The love i give is an everlasting love. The type that never Stops. The type of love that you wont have to worry about fading away. That is a rare heart indeed. My love goes deep, not just for him but his family and his friends, they helped create the man he is today, the man I have fallen head over heals, to the mood and back, in love with. So to them I am thankful, they have my appreciation and love. My love for him is intense. My love is bold, I have regretted not saying things in the past, and this is why I have given him the website to look at this blog, because I don't want to regret anything. I'm waiting to tell him in person that I love him, I'm waiting for the right moment. I don't expect him to say it back to me, it would be the best thing in the world, but it's not expected. I love him and one day he will express that to me as well. I'm sure of it. My love is everlasting, it's deep and it hits to the core! I know with out a doubt that I am totally and completely in love with this man. This hardworking, humble, generous, loving, respectful, sexy, handsome man. There are so many words to describe him... I could go on for hours. He's the love of my life. My heart rushes when I see him, get a text from him, see he's calling, while I'm talking to him on the phone, even when I think of him my heart is rushing. To have that much giddiness for someone, I hope, It will last that way for the rest of my life. My heart is happy.

He doesn't know how lucky he is, he has my attention. When i mean attention i mean it in many ways. He is always on my mind. All hours of the day. While i am busy at work, while I'm working out in the morning, when i brush my teeth, when i take a shower, when i eat dinner with my family, when i go to sleep at night... He is constantly on my mind. The first thing i do in the morning is look at my phone for a text from him, the last thing i do at night is fall asleep phone in hand waiting for him to call. I am focused on one thing, and that is him. I always want to talk to him, i would drop anything and everything to talk to him. I stay home at night, waiting for his text message about coming over. He is on my mind in my dreams. I dream about him. I dream about a future with him. I dream about the day we get married, or the day he tells me he loves me. I deserve those days.. He will always be thought of and cared for, for all the days of my life.

He doesn't know how lucky he is, to have a faithful woman. Along with my heart, always loving him forever and ever, i will always be a faithful woman to him. I already have, and we aren't even a couple. I will NEVER cheat on him. I will never go behind his back, i will never lie to him. I will never do anything to harm his relationship he has with his family. I will never dishonor him or his name. I will never leave him. I will never do the opposite of what he wants. I will always communicate with him. i will always compromise with him, i will always support him and his decisions. I will always be willing to do anything i can to help out. I will never pull him from his family. I want to be around his family, i want to support his family. I will always stay true and faithful to him.

He doesn't know how lucky he is, to have a selfless woman. Someone who will put his needs above mine. Someone who is always there for him in time of need. Someone who is always willing to help him in any situation. Someone who is worried about him, someone who is willing to fight for him. Someone who is more concerned about his well being than the well being of themselves. Someone who will love him unconditionally. Someone who will never give up, even when the times are tough, there is no quitting! Someone who will make him dinner at 2am when he's just getting home from work. Someone who keeps the kids entertained while he gets his full 8 hours of sleep. Someone who knows the importance of a relationship between a father and his children and will do anything and everything to make him the hero in their lives. A woman who sacrifices her husband every night so he can run his restaurant. Someone who understands what he needs. Someone who is a team player. Someone who helps provide when needed. Someone who is willing to give up her time with her family to be with him. He needs someone who makes him a priority.

He doesn't know how lucky he is, he's my best friend. A best friend is someone you can completely trust with all of your secrets and desires. A best friend is someone who wont get offended by hearing the truth. A best friend is someone who is always there for you in a time of need. A best friend is someone who you can do absolutely nothing with and still have the time of your life. A best friend is a confidant, someone who you can literally tell anything to and they will keep it safe. A best friend is an advice giver, A best friend is an inspiration. A best friend is a motivator. A best friend is someone you are completely comfortable with. A best friend is someone you can laugh with. A best friend is someone you could spend all the hours of the day with. A best friend is someone who keeps your attention. A best friend is someone you love. A best friend is someone who is family.

He doesn't know how lucky he is, to have me. All of these things I've listed are about me... That's the truth. I could write more and more of them too. But those are a few of the serious ones. I am a confident, ever so loving, sexy, faithful and a selfless woman. You don't find women like me now a days, You may find some of these qualities in some women, but not all of them and more... This is not meant to come off as cocky, this is just the truth. I am a catch. He would be the luckiest man in the world to have me as his girlfriend, wife, eternal companion, mother to his children, and  best friend. I can give him everything i have written. I already have. I will never stop giving to him and loving him.. He is loved down to his soul. My soul loves his. We have a deep connection that cant be denied. He has a woman who has been patiently waiting for his love and affection. He has a woman who wants to build a future together. He has a woman who strives to be better, not only for him but for herself as well. He has a woman who listens to him, who takes his advice, who puts things into actions. He has a woman who writes love letters to him, and he doesn't even know it. He has a woman who already considers him family. He has a woman whose family already likes him and asks about him constantly. He has a woman who is brave, brave enough to put her heart out there, knowing it could be smashed. He has a woman who is honest, I have written my true and honest feelings on here, i have given him the link, but its his choice to read it. He has a woman who is special. I am a special girl, and i know that. I could give him the entire world and be happy with him every day of our lives. I have already given him my heart, its his choice what he does with it, but its his.

Just a few things that i can promise him as well. I can promise him happiness. I will make him happy everyday of his life. I will make sure he has everything he needs and more. I can promise him love. I will love him for eternity, and show him my love everyday of our lives. I can promise him Commitment. I will be committed to him in everything we do, we will be partners. I can promise him there will be fights. Some days i may hate you, and there are some days you may hate me as well, but with fights there is always making up. Its going to take work, but i know that we would be an amazing duo. I can promise him a family. I would love to give him children. As many as we both want. The skies the limit. A family who will love him and appreciate him, and his hard work. I can promise him friendship. First and foremost i will be his friend. A good relationship is based off of friendship, and i will always give that to him. I can promise him passion. Passionate kissing, passionate love making, passionate romance. I will always fulfill his needs and desires, as i know he will always do the same for me. I can promise him humor. I will make him laugh every day of his life, as i know he will do the same thing for me. We are both so silly, and in sync, its almost as if we were meant to find each other. Ya think? I can promise him haircuts. I know he loves when i give him a haircut, i give him the relaxation and attention he needs, and i love doing that for him. I can promise him  hairless dogs. We don't have to have a dog with hair. I'll sacrifice that for you. I can promise him pure joy. There is never a dull moment with me. I can promise him a life in the gospel. There is nothing more i want than to be able to go to church with him, be sealed to him, have him baptize our children, grow old in the church with him. I can promise him that i will never leave the church, and i will always be an example to our children and him. I can promise him so many things, and there is nothing more i want to do than to give him the world.

And he doesn't even know how lucky he is.
I love you.

June 20, 2013

So there's this boy....

So there's this boy that I have been dating for 4 months now. Wow time has flown by. But seriously I feel as if I have known him forever. He is truly my best friend. I feel so comfortable with him, and I can't help but get butterflies and lose my breath when I'm around him and even when I think about him. I constantly want to be near him. I'm always thinking about mine and his future together. I see us together. I see us married, with kids.. I see him working his butt off like he always does, while I raise our kids.. I would love to have his babies. I would love to be with him for forever. I see it happening. I have already prayed and asked, and I have gotten my answer. I hope he feels the same way. I haven't seen him for about 3 weeks.... Which makes me extremely sad, because I miss him so much!! I wish I could see him every day!!!!! My life would be so much happier if I got to see him everyday. I know I'm in love with him. I have never felt this way before about anyone else. I feel as if I would be devastated, and die if I ever lost him. And I honestly feel like he would feel the same way. He literally completes me. I know I sound sappy, but it's true. 

June 9, 2013

This is how I feel

This is just a few things quotes of how I feel about a certain someone in my life..... 















June 6, 2013

Reasons

-he's kind 
-he's funny 
-he's romantic 
-he's silly
-he's a nerd
-he's family oriented
-he's thoughtful 
-he treats me like a lady
-he's a gentleman 
-he's a hard worker 
-he's handsome 
-he listens to me
-he's easy to talk to
-he's not judgemental 
-he treats my family like his 
-he's responsible 
-he's organized 
-he's always looking out for me 
-he enjoys being around my family 
-my family enjoys being around him
-he's mature 
-he has a good head on his shoulders 
-he likes to teach me things 
-he is my best friend 
-I can talk to him easily 
-he's always concerned about me 
-he has the same beliefs as me
-he has similar goals as I do
-we want the same type of future
-we both think family is very important 
-i already love his mom
-I constantly think about him 
-we both enjoy doing simple things 
-we have fun doing anything and everything 
-he's a cuddler
-he thinks I'm beautiful 
-I'm falling in love with him
-he is a leader
-he is a provider
-he would take care of me
-I want to take care of him
-I want to be his wife 
-he would cook for me
-i want to cook for him
-I want to take care of him
-I want to be the mother of his children 
-he is good with kids 
-he would be a great father 
-he is very loving
-he's honest 
-he's open with his feelings 
-he's cautious 
-he's not a player 
-he's neat
-he makes me laugh 
-he has a gorgeous smile 
-he's smart 
-he's rational 
-he's loving 
-he has a good relationship with his parents 
-he is healthy
-he lives a healthy life 
-he generous 
-he tries to help my business
-he believes in me
-he is not a freeloader
-he's passionate 
-he's religious 
-he wants to be sealed
-he fits in with me and my family 
-I'm in love with him 
-I am beyond scared to death to lose him 
-he supports me and my choices 
-he motivates me 
-he makes me want to be a better person 
-he inspires me 
-he makes me feel special 
-he cares about my feelings 
-he's honest 
-he treats his mother like gold
-he wants to give me more 
-I know he will always be there for me 
-I know I could always be happy with him 
-he gets my humor 
-he understands my thoughts 
-we can have deep conversations
-he forgives fast and easily 
-he thinks about the future 
-I see a future with him 
-he's a provider 
-he's my friend 
-he's interested in my life
-he recognizes my traits and appreciates them 
-he appreciates me 
-he gets along with my friends
-he makes me want to know his family
-he makes me want to learn Spanish 
-he is sexy when he talks in Spanish 
-he turns me on 
-we have a great connection 
- I would be an amazing wife to him 
- I want to raise his children 
-I don't worry when I'm with him 
-he makes me feel safe 
-he looks at me like I'm the only person in the world 
-I'm very attracted to him 
-I value his opinion
-he values my opinion 
-he's the only person in the world who has made me want to work out 
-he makes me comfortable 
-he is very clean 
-he wants to be a good father
-Im not embarrassed to tell him things 
-I love watching him sleep 
-I love the way he twitches in his sleep 
-I love how he is always touching me when he sleeps 
-he's very affectionate 
-he appreciates my value 
-I think he loves me 
-I'm happy when I'm with him 
-we have the same style 
-when we fight or argue, we make up fast
-he thinks I'm sexy 
-he's loving 
-he has compassion 
-he's passionate 
-he's not afraid to express his feelings 
-he's a great communicator 
-he got me to stop drinking soda 
-I want to be better for him 
-I want to wake up to him everyday 
-I love the way he calls me crunchy 
-I love that he likes getting his haircut by me 
-I love that when I'm with him my whole world makes sense 
-he completes my future 
-he has a routine and I love that I know it 
-he wants me in his life 
-he wants the same kind of future 
-he knows I deserve better and he wants to give that to me, and I love that 
-he loves my family 
-he is very welcoming 
-I love when he meets someone new he goes into business Cisco 
-I love that he calls me dre 
-I love that he gets all lovey on the phone 
-when we are together he is relaxed and calm 
-I love that he thinks about me when I'm not with him 
-he wants me in his life forever, wether it be just friends or family 
-he is a great business owner 
-he's successful 
-he doesn't flash his money 
-he doesn't sugarcoat things
-we both think that you can work through any trial if you're both willing 
-he believes in me 
-he makes me happy 
-my mind is always thinking about him 
-I've become a better person since I have met him, and it's all because of him 
-I know he would always be by my side
-he looks for the positive in bad situations 
-he's come into my life for a reason, and I know it's because he's going to be my companion 
-I would never be tired of him 
-he loves my curves 
-he already fits with me 
-we are a great looking couple 
-he notices things in my life 
-I love his confidence 
-I love how he has to have 8 hours of sleep 
-he lets me tease him/ vise versa 
-he's a night owl 
-he has a way of making me feel like I'm his
-he's never on time, neither am I 
-I get butterflies when I see him, talk to him, and think about him 
-he wants to be near my family if we have a future 
-he likes being around my family 
-he feels comfortable with them
-he recognizes how amazing my family is 
-he is a committed person 
-I love the way he takes his time eating his food
-I love how he makes me want to try new things 
-I'm not afraid when I'm with him 
-he is genuine 
-he doesn't mix business with pleasure 
-he's a great boss 
-he loves his job 
-he wants his next relationship to last forever 
-we both want the same things 
- he laughs at me 
-he makes me laugh 
-he doesn't have a potty mouth 
-he thinks I'm funny 
-I love just looking at him 
-he amuses me 
-he makes me think of my future 
-he gets me 
-he's patient 
-he calms me down 
-he inspires me 
-we enjoy each others company 
-we can do meaningless stuff and still have fun 
-he thinks about me
-I've never felt this way about anyone in my life before 
-he would protect me 
-I love his mind 
-he is a healthy eater 
-he inspires me 
-he teaches me things 
-he trusts me
-he has sexy facial hair 
-he has the perfect jawline 
-he turns me on 
-he sacrifices for me
-he listens to me 
-he has a good heart
-he's a hard worker 

Just a few reasons why I like him. 

June 2, 2013

I work out.

So I have been bitten by the gym bug. Totally. I have dreams about the gym, i think about the gym, i think about my workouts, i think about tennis, i think about anything that has to do with working out. I get anxiety when i think about missing a day... i know I'm crazy. I have never ever in my life liked physical activity as much as i do right now. And i think i like it so much right now because i am finally seeing results. I have been going at it 6 days a week, and i haven't missed a workout yet. People are noticing, I like hearing that i look good and that I'm looking so skinny... Believe me i know I'm not skinny. But at the same time, i don't really see it. I know it's normal for an over weight woman to only see an over weight woman. I always thought those people were crazy, you know the ones who have lost a ton of weight but still see themselves as fat.. I never thought i could see myself like that... in a way i don't and in a way i do. I know i am a beautiful girl and i am not "fat"... I'm bigger... I've always been bigger, my whole entire life... and nowadays its become socially acceptable to be a curvy woman... I have been very fortunate to have the shapely body i do have, its a beautiful shape, it just needs some toning up... I know i will never be a size 4, but, i don't want to be. I'm alright with my body being curvy, i enjoy my hips, i enjoy my butt, i enjoy my breasts. I would just like to tone up.... I'm super impressed with myself that i have worked as hard as i am... I am dedicated, committed, determined, inspired, motivated, excited, and elated to be fit and healthy. It's about damn time. lol


 





May 16, 2013

Three Months.

So Today the !6th of May marks Three months since i met my guy. I met him February 16th. These last three months have flown by. I didn't even realize how quickly the time is flying. Three months doesn't even sound like a long time... I feel like I've known him much longer... like years longer. I have been so happy that i met him. He really does bring a happiness to my life. He's quite the charmer. I would totally love to keep him around for much longer than three months if he lets me. It drives me crazy that he still isn't ready to make that commitment yet.... but then again its only been three months. But i am so impatient. I am really trying to be patient. I feel like i am doing an amazing job at it. I don't worry or stress as much anymore. I used to think about the "what ifs" at night... it would keep me awake and i would toss and turn. Now not so much. I know that he has strong feelings for me, and i have been nothing but great to him. He has nothing to complain about. On the other hand, i do. I wish he had more free time for me. The restaurant industry sucks! It's so time consuming... I have been soooo understanding too. But its like do i not date someone i really like because of their job?! I don't think so.... That wouldn't be fare to me or him. He is so lucky to have me. I hope he realizes that. He will never find anyone as good as me. I am a gem, and i know this. I want him in my life for a very long time. I want to meet his entire family... I think why it's so important for me to meet his family is because in my last serious relationship, i barely saw or met his family. I felt as if he was hiding me... was he ashamed of me? he might have been, or at least that's how he made me feel. There were plenty of opportunities to meet his family, and he never invited me. He always seemed to somehow always turn it around on me and say oh well i know you wouldn't have wanted to, or its on a Sunday so i know you cant come, or it's not a big deal... it's a big deal to me!!!! So i know that's why i want to meet my guys family. I don't want to be a secret. I met his mom, she was adorable and kind, and i loved talking to her. She was such a darling woman. I wanted to know more and spend more time with her... He has met my family. A bunch. He knows I'm not keeping him a secret. I'm almost positive he knows how i feel about him. I told him flat out, i didn't want him dating other girls, but i understand too. Why do i keep being so nice. I really just need to tell him how i feel straight up. I do sometimes. but like for example when i said i didn't want him dating other girls, but it was OK i understand him.... i don't really believe that last part. i just want him to see me as understanding. I REALLY DON'T WANT HIM DATING OTHER GIRLS... but what can i do? i guess I'll just sit here patiently waiting some more. Hopefully he'll have a decision by another three months.