April 29, 2013


It's days and nights like today's that make me fall more and more for this guy. Today he came over and spent the evening with me and my family. I had no idea he was coming, until he sent me a message and said he was on his way. The moment I read that message, my heart fluttered. I was so excited!!! We had a good night, we talked and we snuggled, and he got to spend some good quality time with my family... I love when he comes over. I love having him here with me, I wish he didn't have to leave!!!! We watched life of pi tonight and just cuddled, it was perfect. Just how I like it. I love enjoying the simple things with him. He makes my day and night and week and month and year and life so much better!! Gosh I have fallen for this boy. He has stole my heart and I don't even think he realizes it. Can I keep him forever???? Because I want to sooooo badly!!!!

April 27, 2013

The look

So I saw my guy last night... Gosh I love when I get to see him. It just makes my day that much better. He was so cute and handsome and just so amazing. He always makes me feel so great. He does this thing, he like stares into my eyes. But it's like he's staring into my soul. He has this look like he's seeing something cool for the first time and is in amazement about it. That's the look he has when he stares at me. Like he's amazed with me. It's like a look that is so full with love. I don't know how to describe it, but it makes me feel so special. I feel special when I am with him. We don't even have to do much of anything when we are together, but we always seem to enjoy ourselves. I have a blast when I see him. I see that he is making a better effort to show his appreciation and affection for me. Which I love. He's definitely someone I want in my life forever and not just as a friend. I'm so smitten is ridiculous. I dread when I have to leave him, because all I want to do is be with him.. It makes me sad when I don't get to see him. I didn't see him for a whole week last week, and let me tell you, it was the worst week of my life. I was so sad and bummed that I didn't get to see him. I was having so much anxiety and my mind was going crazy, and all I wanted to do was see him. I sound like a crazy person, I don't want to be the crazy stalker girl. And so I try and give him his space, but it absolutely kills me. Even still my mind goes all over the place and I think of a billion different things about him, but I am more confident now that i will be his woman someday. And I cannot wait for that day. That happy happy day. Thanks for being so great my silly boy, you sure do know how to make me feel like a million bucks. I'm in "like" with you, I don't want to scare you off with the other "L" word. <3

April 26, 2013

The truth

These are my exact thoughts!

Life changing

So last night I had an excellent conversation with the guy I've been dating. We talked about health and fitness. It took guts to tell me that he was worried about my health and fitness. That's something that is important to him and if he wants a future with me, that he wants it to last, and by making it last I needed to get healthy and in shape.... If I were a normal girl, I might have been offended by what he said, but I am no normal gal. I admire that he had the balls to tell me that. I have been wanting to work out and lose weight for some time now, and when I say some time I mean years, but I have never had the push to go and do it. Last nights conversation got me excited!! He totally motivated me, I want to show him that I can do it. Not only am I doing it for that reason, but also because this is what I want. I want to be healthy, I want to look great!! I know I look good now but it's not great! I could improve on a few things. I have always been scared to take the plunge and join a gym.. They kind of scare me to be honest. There are so many people who are fitness fanatics and I feel like I'm walking into high school all over again, everyone fudging me on how I handle myself. I don't know how to use most of the machines, I probably look retarded but honestly who cares. I just want to feel good about myself and look good. So this morning I woke up and put my work out gear on, and drove my butt to LA Fitness, and joined their gym! That's a huge step for me. But I honestly think I can do it! No I know I can. I am committed to working out 6 days a week for 1 hour. My body may be sore for awhile but I'm a tough girl, I can work through the pain!! I also decided it was time I kick the soda habit. So it's water or lemonade for me... I don't need the soda, I know ill have massive headaches for awhile, but I know there will be a point when they stop. No more bad eating habits no more being lazy. I am going to work my butt off because I know the results will be worth it. I want to lose about 100 pounds, that's gonna take me quite awhile, but I think it's also a great goal. I know I will feel and look better when I do. It's been a very long time since I was "skinny" and by very long time I mean since birth, lol, it's about time I get my butt into shape. I am so grateful to this guy, he literally gave me the final push to get up and do something. I've been talking about it for so long, that it's about time I do it. So I will forever be thankful to him. His courage gave me the courage I needed. And I'm determined to win this. I will not stop, I will not give up. I can't and I won't. I want this too bad!! I'm also going to win him over as well. He's going to be very impressed with me, And I'm going to win his heart, because he has already taken mine... Thank you my love, I won't let us down!!!

April 23, 2013

On My Mind.

Well i haven't really posted on here for awhile, so i decided that i needed to. I don't even know if people still do blogs or even read mine, but thats not the point anyways.. this is a place that i can write whats on my mind, so if you're reading this, it might be all over the place. Since my mind is constantly all over the place..

So i've been dating this guy lately, well a little over 2 months actually, but whose counting? lol So this guy wants to take things slow, which i am ok with, because thats smart, but how slow is he planning? i see him a lot, usually, and i absolutely enjoy every second we are together. I find myself always thinking about him and wanting to be with him. He is constantly on my mind. So we are just dating, not exclusively, but oh boy do i wish we were exclusive... even though, i don't think that he is actually dating anyone else. He's too busy to be dating anyone else. But still, i would like that commitment from him. do i sound crazy? i think i just want the commitment from him because i am afraid of losing him, i don't want him to fall for someone else, when i have already fallen for him. I don't need another heart break. My mind is constantly telling me 500 different things. Positive and Negative. Now i know what a schizophrenic person feels like... probably not, but i think so. I wish i could just skip the whole dating thing, why cant i just fast forward my life a few years and already be done with dating and getting married, and all that jazz.. i really wish i had one of those remotes from that movie Click. I think that would make my life a whole lot easier... better yet, why don't i fast forward until i'm 60 and i can retire and enjoy life with my husband. oh i cant wait to be old. i wish i knew what the future had in store for me. if i knew i wouldn't stress out so much and just go with the flow. See this is some of the crazy Shit that goes on in my mind.. super random. I really like this guy. And i actually think my family likes him too. They seem to at least. which is much better than the last dude i dated. This guy is completely different than the last dude i dated. The last guy didn't even have a job. This new guy is a workaholic. Which is good and bad. I love his work ethic, but i don't get to see him as much, which totally SUCKS! cause thats all i want to do is see him and be with him. Whats wrong with me?! I have turned into a sappy love-struck girl. I have been so emotional lately too, crying for no reason... thats totally out of character for me... haha. i have no desire to be with or talk to or flirt with any other guys. I deleted all of my online dating profiles, even the ones i paid for, i don't care... i know that this is the guy i want to be with... i just feel like i'm waiting on him now. Which is usually how it is, the women are always waiting for the men to catch up with them. I have like very little patience though, and i feel like i have been super patient with this guy. I am so giddy, nervous, happy, scared, stressed, anxious, smitten, love struck, and silly about him... what do you call that? He's someone i want to have in my life forever. He is already my best friend, well besides Mandi, Jon, and Brooke. But i just want to show him off, i want him to be a part of my family, i want to be able to call him mine. I understand his reasons for being slow and cautious. i know there is still a lot i don't know about him and he doesn't know about me, but i feel as if i have known him for ages. I hope by writing this stuff down, it helps me get it off my brain, that way i'm not so anxious and i can sleep at night. otherwise i may be a walking emotional zombie until he makes a commitment to me. haha. i hope and pray its soon.