May 16, 2013

Three Months.

So Today the !6th of May marks Three months since i met my guy. I met him February 16th. These last three months have flown by. I didn't even realize how quickly the time is flying. Three months doesn't even sound like a long time... I feel like I've known him much longer... like years longer. I have been so happy that i met him. He really does bring a happiness to my life. He's quite the charmer. I would totally love to keep him around for much longer than three months if he lets me. It drives me crazy that he still isn't ready to make that commitment yet.... but then again its only been three months. But i am so impatient. I am really trying to be patient. I feel like i am doing an amazing job at it. I don't worry or stress as much anymore. I used to think about the "what ifs" at night... it would keep me awake and i would toss and turn. Now not so much. I know that he has strong feelings for me, and i have been nothing but great to him. He has nothing to complain about. On the other hand, i do. I wish he had more free time for me. The restaurant industry sucks! It's so time consuming... I have been soooo understanding too. But its like do i not date someone i really like because of their job?! I don't think so.... That wouldn't be fare to me or him. He is so lucky to have me. I hope he realizes that. He will never find anyone as good as me. I am a gem, and i know this. I want him in my life for a very long time. I want to meet his entire family... I think why it's so important for me to meet his family is because in my last serious relationship, i barely saw or met his family. I felt as if he was hiding me... was he ashamed of me? he might have been, or at least that's how he made me feel. There were plenty of opportunities to meet his family, and he never invited me. He always seemed to somehow always turn it around on me and say oh well i know you wouldn't have wanted to, or its on a Sunday so i know you cant come, or it's not a big deal... it's a big deal to me!!!! So i know that's why i want to meet my guys family. I don't want to be a secret. I met his mom, she was adorable and kind, and i loved talking to her. She was such a darling woman. I wanted to know more and spend more time with her... He has met my family. A bunch. He knows I'm not keeping him a secret. I'm almost positive he knows how i feel about him. I told him flat out, i didn't want him dating other girls, but i understand too. Why do i keep being so nice. I really just need to tell him how i feel straight up. I do sometimes. but like for example when i said i didn't want him dating other girls, but it was OK i understand him.... i don't really believe that last part. i just want him to see me as understanding. I REALLY DON'T WANT HIM DATING OTHER GIRLS... but what can i do? i guess I'll just sit here patiently waiting some more. Hopefully he'll have a decision by another three months.

May 10, 2013

2 weeks

So exactly two weeks ago today I changed my life. Not like drastically or anything, I decided to join the gym. I also made a goal that I would go 6 days a week. I have accomplished that goal so far! I have gone every morning at 8am to the gym. I am sore, and tired by the end of the day, but it's so worth it!! My friend Judy approached me the other day, and wanted to know If I wanted to do this 3 month weights challenge. She said her daughter and her friends have been doing it and have gotten some awesome results! I completely jumped on board with that! I've done 3 days now, and I am sore as can be but I am very excited! I have wanted to make these changes for so long now, and I finally got the courage to!! I feel better about myself. People are telling me I look good, that must mean that it's working. It's hard work, but so rewarding. I can't wait to look more fit and healthy and happy. I can't wait to go to the doctor this week to see if I have lost weight or body fat, I'm just excited! :) today also marks 2 weeks of being soda free! Yay!!! I thought I would never quit soda, I loved it. It was my water, but I knew if I quit it I would lose weight faster. I haven't had a drop of soda in 2 weeks and I am so dang proud of myself. I have urges but I don't give in.... Wow I sound like an addict! Haha maybe I was. But I quit cold turkey. I was afraid I would get some really gnarly headaches, but I haven't. Thankfully! That was what was holding me back in the first place! I can't express how important these 2 weeks were for me. This has been something I have wanted for a long time now, and I finally gave it a go. It only took me 25 years, but I did it, that's the only thing that matters... I can't help but think, if I stick with this, I could actually look like what I want to look like on my wedding day. This opens up new doors for me. I could date more people. I could walk around with a certain confidence that I never have had before. I could shop at the shops that I have always wanted to shop at but the clothes never had my size. I won't be embarrassed to tell someone what size clothing I wear. I can walk around with a "fit" guy and not feel like the world is wondering "what's the fat girl doing with him?!" These are all scenarios that "skinny" people don't face. They just don't understand what it's like until they have walked in our shoes. I am proud of myself. I plan on sticking with this for a very long time. Go me!!!! :) 

May 7, 2013

Ready for love

So usually I am not a fan of the dating type shows like the bachelor or the bachelorette, I think they are fake and they never last. But I caught myself really getting into this new "love" show, called Are You Ready For Love. As I have been watching the show, I can't help but think that I feel bad for these girls. My mind tells me they can't be in love with this guy, they barely know him, but my heart says oh girl I know how you feel. It's hard when you have fallen in love with someone that's on a different time scale as you. I feel like these girls. Well minus the living in the same house as them and only seeing the guy for 15 minutes a week..... I feel for them though, they are fighting with all their might for his attention, they want to spend as much time with him as they can. I feel the same way with this guy I'm dating. I know how I feel about him... Unlike the show I have gotten real time with him over the last 3 months.... But I know he is trying to find true love. He's dating other girls. Which makes me incredibly jealous. I have to admit. I don't like sharing him.... I want him. I want him to see the real me and want me as well. I don't want to be the girl sent home heartbroken. I want to be the girl he is proposing to at the end of the show. I deserve it: I wish he would realize this. It's so hard for me to see these other girls flaunt their time with him. Like for example this one girl he has dated posts pictures on his Facebook... That's hard for me to see. I get extremely jealous. I don't like sharing him. Ugh I am such a girl. The difference between me and the girls on the show is that I genuinely know these feelings are real for him. They aren't for show. I am completely comfortable with him, I have been very understanding and adaptable for him.. I know what I want and I'm going after him. I can't speak for the other girls that he is dating, but all I know is that he does spend a lot of time with me, and he even comes and spends time with my family. I wish he could spend more time with my family, but I see that he is willing to do that. That's a huge thing. If he didn't really like me, he wouldn't put in the effort of getting to know my family. I met his mom once. That was huge for me. If he didn't really like me or see this going anywhere he wouldn't have introduced me to his mother. Which is adorable, I fell in love with her instantly... I see my future with him. And I love it. I know we want the same things. We are on the same track, it's just a matter of getting the engine going. 

May 2, 2013

<3

This guy drives me nuts. I am so into him it's not even funny. We are coming up on 3 months that we have been dating.... 3 months of pure bliss for me. I wish I could spend every moment with him. He certainly makes my day so perfect. I gave him a haircut tonight... I love being able to give him a haircut. I can show him my talent and I can give him something. I'm a giver, I like being able to show him I care about him. He has tried to pay me in the past, but it always made me feel crappy.. I would rather just do it for him. I was looking at him tonight and I couldn't help but think, you are so handsome. He is... He's sooooo handsome!!!!! He makes me weak in the knees. What am I going to do with this boy of mine. I am so smitten with him it doesn't seem real!!!!!!!!! I hope one day to make him mine, and only mine. <3 <3 <3