August 28, 2013

Confusion


August 25, 2013

Heartbreak Hotel

I'm very confused. I don't know what's happening. I'm not sure if we broke up or if we are taking a break. All I know is that I can't live without him. I know that makes me sound so dramatic, but it's the truth. I love him. Why would I want to live without him. Why doesn't he understand that I want to be with him, regardless if he's a workaholic and he is so busy. I don't care. I love being with him and spending time with him. I love being able to send him cute pictures and he tells me how beautiful I am. I love that he cares about me. I love everything about him. I want him I need him. I don't want to be on a break, or broken up. Why? Is this his way of telling me that he chooses the other girl? Does he not love me? This whole time I was worried he would choose another girl over me, when the whole time I didn't realize that the girl that was a threat was really Luna. She's the one that has won him over. That damn restaurant. She's the one I should have looked out for. But instead I'm a stupid stupid girl who fell in love with a guy who doesn't love me back. When is going to be my time?!! When do I get a chance at love?? When is he going to love me back?? I hate this. I hate all of it. And ill I can think about is how lonely I am without him. I need to go workout and let off some steam. I'm depressed. 

August 2, 2013

Make a decision already....

Decisions decisions... I really hate making  decisions... So I usually make others make them for me..... In this case, I need him to make a decision. I'm going crazy!!!! We've been dating for almost 6 months... It's about time he makes a choice. Me or her.... Pick one! At this point I've almost ran out of patience!! I am a ticking time bomb, and I'm about to explode. When is enough, enough?! How much longer do I have to wait? How much longer will it take him to make a decision?? Why hasn't he made it already?! I want answers. I want to know!!! I want to be with this man, but I need to know if he wants to be with me!! Put my mind at ease please!!! Make my fears and my uneasiness go away! Isn't the love of your life supposed to do that? When am I going to start feeling that I am his love of his life. Am I just convienent for him, or does he really have feelings for me?! I'm an emotional rollercoatser. I hate not knowing! I hate that I have to wait. I hate that I have not had a physical connection with him for over 2 months! I hate that. I want to kiss him dang it. I want more than a hug or a light touch on the arm. Is there something wrong with me? Is he the same way with his other woman?! I want to claw her eyes out. I don't know her, but I don't like her. But maybe he likes her more? Or maybe he likes me more? I literally have no idea. My mind is driving me crazy. I might lose it. I don't want to give him an ultimatum but he's got to make his choice.... I've done nothing but make things very easy for him. I've shown him so much love and affection... He needs to make his choice. If it's not me, ill be devastated, but at this point, at least I would know and not be guessing. I need to know, and he needs to make this decision quick!!!!!! Before I lose it completely.